The document is the recorded heart-wrenching emergency phone call to the police of Burstan County, Missouri. The following document is presented verbatim. And the Burston County police department has verified and acknowledged the authenticity of the document as it is given to you here:
Caller: The shovel is balancing on the top of my head! Can you hear me!?
Operator: Yes, I can hear you. Can you tell me that again, about the shovel?
C: The shovel is in my head!
O: The shovel is in your head? What do you mean? Do you mean that metaphorically, or literally?
C: I mean that literally. The shovel is in my head, the blade of the shovel is in my head, and I am balancing the wooden handle up at the top of my head. I'm leaning up against a wall by the pay-phone outside right now.
O: Where, where are you calling from? We've been trying to trace your call, but we're unable to trace your call. Where are you?
C: I'm over here, I'm right here.
O: Where, where are you?
C: Over here! Please help! Oh no, they're coming after me with a rake! Now they're coming after me with a rake! Please! Help! Help! Help! Ahhh!
O: Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello? Sir? Are you there? Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello?